My Limericks & Even Worse Verse
19.8.12   Putin & Pussy Riot   

A tyrant with eyes like a stoat’s
Stuffed ballot boxes and stole opposition votes
When Pussy Riot protested
He made sure they were arrested
Pour encourager les autres

7.1.13  Depardieu and Tax

A movie star called Gérard
Took French tax hikes so hard
That for a thirteen per cent rate
He embraced a corrupt state
And for Russia’s political prisoners showed scant regard.


4.2.13  ~ Chris Huhne Pleads Guilty

A former Secretary of State called Huhne
Found a driving offence inopportune
His wife he suborned
But forgot that a woman scorned
To spite is not immune.


5.2.13  ~ Vicky Price  Pleads Not  Guilty

An economist called Vicky Price
Regretted an unusual sacrifice.
When a marriage proves ill-starred
Avoid being hoisted by your own petard
Because playing in a Greek tragedy is unwise


12.2.13  ~ Tesco Spaghetti Bolognese  60+% Horsemeat

After supermarket food inspectors grew lazy
Their suppliers began to act crazy
Mislabeled meat abounded
And customers were astounded
To find donkey bollocks in their Bolognese.


13.2.13  ~ Trump Sues Comedian

Donald Trump has taken  Bill Maher to court following a joke. Maher bet that if Trump could prove he wasn’t related to orangutans, a reference to his bouffant red hair style, Bill would fork out $5 million dollars. Trump quickly issued his birth certificate and demanded the money. He is now suing for it. Trump seems bent on proving that not only his hairstyle is weird.

Trump insisted his dad was human
And not as Maher had joked an orang-utan.
I find it hard hard not to snigger
At hair that looks considerably bigger
Than the head of the man on which it stands.

19.2.13 ~   Guard Gets Two Years for  Teddy Bear Invasion

Lukashenko, one of Europe’s last dictators
Blew his fuse after two aviators
Parachuted teddies over Belarus
As a protest against human rights abuse
All power to the bears says this demonstrator.

4.3.13 ~   On a Weasel-Worded Admission  

Cardinal O'Brien's belated and vague fessing up
Reads like a spin doctor's dressing up
Until the mea culpa has a maxima added
Any apology is going to sound vapid
So come clean, beat your breast and quit messing up

5.3.13 ~ The Head of the NHS  Refuses to Resign

Nicholson runs the NHS in Wales and England
Despite the blood that stains his hands.
When people entering a hospital
Are told to use soap or alcohol gel
How come soiled Sir David still commands?

He misruled Mid-Staffordshire with strategy and budgets
Managed the finances but not rates of death
Presided over a culture of fear driven by KPIs
That led to patient neglect, suffering, staff lies
And excuses such as "We were only following targets"

Accountability should apply to directors and to boards
For not knowing or stopping the abuses in the wards.
It's too late for spin doctoring to conceal the wrongs
When all the perfumes of Arabia cannot mask the pongs.
Come now, Sir David, and fall on your sword.

27.3.13  ~ With Apologies to Frankie and Johnny

If Pope Francis is so marvelous doing things differently, what does this say about Pope Benedict?


 Now Frankie and Benny were co-popes
Oh Lord, how they did love
Swore to be true to each other true as the stars above
They were both men and couldn’t do no wrong
Being infallible.

Now Benny went down to the country
Just to get away from the throng
He said I’ll leave the Vatican to Frankie
A man who wouldn't do me wrong.
Because he’s also infallible.

Benny’s valet said I ain't gonna lie papa
That Frankie ain’t singing your song 
If he’s humble, you were vain 
And if he’s thrifty, you spent without restraint 
He's the man in Rome now but he's doin' you wrong.


31.3.13 ~ Egypt Persecutes Satirist Bassem Youssef

Egypt's Freedom and Justice Party
Led by President Mohammed Morsi
By not allowing satirists to be free
And threatening them with the third degree
Makes the party's name pure malarkey.

5.5.13 ~ Sharia Law used to Justify Deliberate Paralysis 

The law of Saudi Arabia prescribes
Savage punishments for all the tribes
Except, of course, the House of Saud
Whose wholesale thieving is allowed
Besides, a  prince with stumps can't handle bribes.

4.9.13 ~ Artist Seeks Asylum After His Painting Upsets Putin

The Russian leaders are humourless Stalinists
Unwilling to let an artist take the piss
By depicting homophobes Vlad and Dimitry
Consorting as queens in lingerie

But the bigger joke is the pair getting their knickers in a twist.

 

 

23.4.15 ~ Key Finds Locks Irresistible

 

A kiwi prime minister called Key
Tugged a waitress’s ponytail repeatedly
He claimed it was just horseplay
Not trichophilia or foreplay
But it seems quite kinky to me.
 
The limerick follows news that the NZ prime minister, John Key, has repeatedly forced his attention on a young Auckland waitress by pulling her ponytail.